The Dumb Laowai

The internet access has greatly improved as of yesterday, taking away my last reason for not posting an update, other than the fact that not much has been going on. I got hit with a two-fold downside of delaying my travel arrangements. One was simple boredom. Cold weather dampened any sight-seeing enthusiasm and most students had returned home for a few weeks. The other would normally be paying a higher price but travel in China is fairly cheap, so that wasn’t a problem.

The main problem was trying to deal with Chinese travel agents. Electronic tickets are apparently unheard of here, so it was back to the old fashioned way. I walked out of the bank with a four inch stack of currency and directly into the neighboring travel office. I was able to get across the basics of my plan but the logistics of a two week trip call for a slightly higher level of communication. They eventually put me on the phone with someone from their head office. Since the door I had walked through had a sign proclaiming “Head Office” I thought this a little odd. She took down all of the pertinent information and promised to call back within a few hours.

Several phone calls later we had tweaked the itinerary into something feasible and she proceeded to book the tickets. I had just returned home when she called yet again, saying that I needed to come back to the office so that she could examine my passport. It was a little chilly and I wasn’t enthusiastic about venturing out again, so I probed a little further.

She eventually told me that she was having a problem booking the tickets because my name was too long. I understand that most Chinese names have two or three characters but I couldn’t understand why name might prove such a daunting challenge to their system. It’s not as if no foreigners fly in China! After verifying the name several times, she insisted that I come to the office. She simply couldn’t understand my logic that my name would not change, regardless of where I was.

It was probably the language barrier, but when she said that she needed to verify the name on the passport because she didn’t believe herself, I lost it. I briefly ranted about knowing full well what my name is and that her lack of belief was more than a little insulting before hanging up. She immediately called back to apologize and, fifteen minutes later, tickets had been miraculously booked. I was to come in the next afternoon and sign off on everything. The country is making great strides in just about everything, but creative thinking is not one of them. A bit of the boot is sometimes necessary to get things done. As they say, "In China, nothing is possible and everything is possible."

Of course, the next day saw me sitting in their office for almost an hour, as the clerk had to make repeated phone calls to various locations for the details. This was simply to fill out the form for the main office. He would be taking it there and getting my tickets late that afternoon and I was to return yet again to pick them up. I left without saying a word but, thankfully, the third trip on the third day resulted in actual tickets, in my hand, in less than ten minutes. I think another delay might have resulted in a meltdown on my part, especially since I had been able to book a hotel room in Thailand on line in only five minutes. I can’t wait to see what kind of glitches pop up when actually using the tickets.

I had originally wanted to travel for three weeks but my delayed departure made that impractical. Mid-February is apparently the time of both Chinese New Year and Spring Festival. I tried to work out the dates, but as LD (Little Dictator for new readers) was explaining it, she kept pointing to my western calendar and explaining the traditional calendar, all of which ended up resulting in a headache and my continued cluelessness. However, around this time, everybody wants to return to their ancestral cities or villages to be with family. Travel can be a nightmare, even if you can score a ticket. I decided that two weeks was a better choice than four, so I cut back on the sights a little.

First is three days in Hong Kong / Macao. That’s nowhere near long enough, but I’ll return another time. I have some friends who have lived there for years and can show me around next time. Unfortunately, they are out of the country at the moment.

From there it’s on to Hainan, a large island south of China and almost directly east of Hanoi. A few days of sun on the beach sounds great right about now and will give me a chance to get acclimated a little before heading to Thailand. I was informed by a reader that Mandarin is common on Hainan, so at least I’ll be able to order beer and, afterwards, ask for the bathroom. I hope they’re still reading because my first order of business on arriving Saturday will be to find a place in Sanya to watch the DA BEARS in the Super Bowl Monday morning. Any advice will be appreciated.

From Hainan it’s on to Thailand, Phuket to be precise; one of the resort beach towns. My fellow Bears fan in Beijing just relocated from Phuket and still has a home there. He endorsed it strongly as a place to get away. Besides attractions such as elephant excursions and a snake farm (think I’ll give that one a pass) there are a large number of bars and great restaurants.

The raucous nature of the place was confirmed when I got a helpful phrase guide from my hotel. Apparently it’s important to know Thai for “What day is it?” How can you not have fun in a place like that? Actually, I can think of one way but, as a precaution, I’ve memorized “The ten best ways to tell if you’re talking to a lady-boy.”

I’m sure that there will be a couple of days where rest is called for. I’ll try to find an internet café and post an update.